Lately, I’ve been reflecting on a pattern of thinking that keeps coming up in conversations with clients, friends, etc. It focuses on the never-ending “what if…” and perpetually measures our happiness to our productivity. We wonder if we’ve made the right decisions in life and then question whether those decisions make us happy. While this perpetual pursuit of "what if" offers endless opportunities for self-reflection, it may also keep us spinning in self-doubt and anxiety.

Surely, we’ve all heard some version of the story about the businessperson who encounters a fisherman relaxing by the sea and asks why he isn’t working harder. The fisherman replies that he already catches enough to feed and provide for his family, enjoy his afternoons, and even has time to relax. The businessperson—seeing the fisherman as someone wasting potential—insists that working harder could lead to more wealth and more freedom. But the fisherman counters with quiet wisdom. He already enjoys what the businessperson imagines as the end goal: restful afternoons, family time, and peace.

Of course, a modern version of this story would differ a bit, however the values we use to judge ourselves remain the same: self-worth vs. external validation, personal fulfillment vs. success, rest vs. laziness, etc. Keeping ourselves in a constant “when, then” thinking (when I have more money, a promotion, a house I’ll be happy) keeps us striving without ever arriving at our goals.

How Anxiety and Perfectionism Fit into the Story

Anxiety keeps us fixated on what might go wrong if we don't keep striving for more—what if I fail? What if I could do more? We hyper fixate on fear, irrelevance, failure, or missed opportunities. Perfectionism convinces us that what we have is never good enough. We continue seeking essentially unattainable goals for an idealized version of success while we continually move the goalpost. We lose ourselves to the trap of the chase.

Chasing our goals may lead to satisfaction, or maybe just to new goals. If we gave ourselves time to pause and reflect, we might find that what we truly desire is peace, connection, or fulfillment—things we already have but overlook in our pursuit of more.

Focusing on Your Values

Perfectionism focuses on outcomes rather than aligning with personal values. Anxiety tends to fixate on control rather than purpose. Stop and ask yourself, “What really matters to me?” Learn to make decisions based on your values, not your fears. Let your values, rather than anxiety or perfectionism, guide your priorities.

Your roadmap is uniquely your own. Whether you are driven by values tied to ambition, external validation, and long-term goals, or if your values are rooted in simplicity, presence, and personal fulfillment, only you will know if you’ve reached your destination.

Your life is a narrative, and regret is just one chapter. The story isn’t about perfection but growth. By accepting and appreciating where you are, you begin to rewrite your narrative. You already have the tools to find your peace. Like the fisherman, and with consistent effort, you can step back from the chase, take a breath, and realize that fulfillment isn’t “out there”—it’s right here.