As the roulette wheel of life keeps spinning, we keep learning about all the things that are out of our control. Just like a roulette spin, we can’t predict or influence the outcome of various situations. Yes, we have choices and can make many decisions about our own life, but external factors and chance events often play significant roles in how things eventually turn out. Life is full of surprises, and sometimes, the most significant events happen when we least expect them.

So, does this mean we simply give in, allowing the winds of change to blow and just hoping for the best? Well, we could leave the roulette table to focus on maintaining what we can control. Therapist and best-selling author, Nedra Glover Taawab describes this process as creating systems that help manage our stress. She outlines a 6-part plan that describes ways to reduce our stressors before we reach our breaking point. One of the things she explains is taking an energy audit to recognize when we are approaching our maximum capacity and are unable to take on anymore.

If you’re like me (and so many other people), your energy audit is usually past due. Remember the Texas power grid failure of 2021? Don’t wait until your resources are completely tapped out before you STOP and check in with yourself. The STOP skill is a handy tool to remember for emotional regulation. Here are the steps:

S = Stop! Don’t react.

T = Take a step back from the situation.

O = Observe what is happening around you and within you.

P = Proceed Mindfully.

Ask yourself, “What do I want from this situation?” or “What choice might make this situation better or worse?” or “What act will allow for success?” Stay calm, stay in control, and when you have some information and how that may impact your goals, you will be better prepared to deal with the situation effectively. Remember your brain needs time to think all of this through.

While we can't control every aspect of life, we do have agency in how we respond to and navigate challenges. It may not look the way we imagine it, and we are sure to make many missteps along the way. We are all a work in progress…and progress is not always linear.