Have you ever paid attention to how your inner voice talks to you? You know, that inner critic who pops up whenever you’re feeling inadequate or when you’ve failed at something. Chances are, you are not as compassionate to yourself as you would be to a friend, loved one, or even a stranger on the street. According to Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research, most people aren't very self-compassionate.

Self-compassion is about treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a good friend. It's about recognizing that it's okay to be imperfect, and that it's okay to make mistakes. When you cultivate self-compassion, you create a safe space within yourself where healing can begin.

So why the pushback when asked about self-compassion? We are expected to be compassionate towards others yet with ourselves, it can feel selfish or self-indulgent. We may see it as weak, and tend to believe that we have to be hard on ourselves or punish ourselves to meet our goals. In fact, research shows the opposite. Self-compassion is more effective than self-criticism as an internal motivator. It allows us to recognize that failure is part of the human process. We can grow and learn from our mistakes. Mindfulness helps us develop skills needed for growth.

Mindfulness is a non-judgmental, receptive mind state in which one observes thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them. We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. At the same time, mindfulness requires that we not be “over-identified” with thoughts and feelings, so that we are caught up and swept away by negative reactivity.

~Kristin Neff

Here are 4 exercises you can practice to help improve self-compassion.

Exercise 1: How would you treat a friend?

Exercise 2: Self-Compassion Break

Exercise 3: Exploring self-compassion through writing

Exercise 4: Supportive Touch